Obsessive Disorder??

It's the weekend again. I know everyones happy because it's the weekend (obviously) but let me tell you something: I'M NOT!! Why?? It's because I AM FREAKING CLEANING THE FREAKING HOUSE AT THIS VERYYYY MOMENT and this is how i feel EVERY time i started cleaning. Ok i seriously don't like this. This is EXACTLY like Akasia and Castlewhite all over again. I'd been in this angry-but-don't-know-what-to-do state nearly EVERY WEEKEND for the past THREE YEARS(3) in my life - except during the summer holidays or term holidays when i'll be back in my HOME.

Ok. Let me put this straight first. It's not that i'm complaining about other people or anything. Right now i am complaining about myself because the problem now is ME. The problem is like this: Every Friday after finishing class for the week or Saturday morning, this little demon in me will start to come out. There will be voices in my head which will start to tell me that: IT IS TIME TO CLEAN THE HOUSE!! It might be because i'm feeling that we are all too busy for any cleaning during the weekdays but we still have to do it regularly. So, obviously weekend is the time to clean up! So let it be the weekend, the CLEANING-MODE in me will get automatically switched ON. All my thoughts will be focused on this: I HAVE TO CLEAN UP and it gets so serious that i will not have a peace of mind until i've done so. The dirtier the house, the worse it'll get. The worst case is that i can't really study unless the house is clean. Ok, now you might be thinking: 'so what's the problem? Just go and clean up!'. And yes, i will do so even without you telling me so but then, there's just this ONE TINY LITTLE PROBLEM: every time i DO start to clean, another thought will start to appear: I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE STAYING HERE (note that this refer to: Akasia, Castlewhite besides here), BUT WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE DOING THIS? And you'll find me ended up really disgruntled while doing all the cleaning at the same time. Don't get me wrong too. By saying this, this doesn't mean that i'm not willing to do the jobs or anything. I DO. I just do not want to do them with an angry and disgruntled mind because i'll start to think that the reason i got angry is because i'm too selfish to do anything for others and i'll ended up getting even angrier at myself and at others. Believe me this is seriously getting too distressing and bad for me mentally. So for God's sake, someone please please tell me how to solve this. I've given up trying to talk because: first, IT'LL GIVE OTHERS IMPRESSION THAT I'M A CLEAN FREAK, second, THAT I'M BOSSY, third, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL OTHERS WHAT TO DO, and lastly, IT STILL ENDED UP THE SAME EVERY SINGLE TIME. Again, i believe the problem is with me and my thinking. I am not having obsessive complusive cleaning right, right??

Just to let you know, my definition of clean is no obviously visible dust, no stain, no debris. For the kitchen, the surface has to be disinfected and wiped down. No food and oily stains on tables, counters or hobs. Floor swept and mopped up. Definitely no food debris around. For toilet, it has to be cleaned (and maybe disinfected), floor mopped up as well, bath tub or shower scrubbed with no hair lying around. For the rest of the house, floor swept and mopped up and carpets vacumned. And this applies only to the cleaning up during the WEEKENDS. This is not too much, is it?? Please tell me that moping the floor once a week is normal. Please please tell me that wiping the kitchen surfaces everytime after cooking is normal. Please please tell me that all these are not too much and i'm not having a psycological problem or anything. But living through three different places with so many different people and still not finding one who thinks the same is kinda worrying. It starts to make you think that you're the one who's actually having the problem. Well, i'm not asking for 100% bacterial free or 100% dust free. As long as they're not really visually visible is good enought for me. So this cant be COD right? I mean people with compulsive cleaning are usually asking for 100% perfection and i don't.

Ok now i'm making myself dizzy thinking of these. But you know what? I kinda feel a hell lot better now that i'd finally let out all these. AFTER 3 YEARS OF HOLDING EVERYTHING IN!! So i don't care who's going to read this and what people are going to say. Still, i know i have to do something about this because this is actually affecting my studies, especially when nearing exam times.Just a second there now, could it be that this is actually another excuse for me to not to study?? Oh no.....

O.O

P.S.: Btw, i will prefer what's in this blog will always remain in this blog. =)